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Robert Asprin. Epigraps for Myth series

I. Another Fine Myth

1. "There are things on heaven and earth, Horatio, Man was not meant to know" -Hamlet 2. "Things are not always as they seem" -Mandrake 3. "The only thing more reliable than magik is one's friends!" -Macbeth 4. "Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel" -Ulysses 5. "Only constant and conscientious practice in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and happy life" -B. Lee 6. "Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from an unsuspecting witness" -Insp. Clouseau 7. "Is there anything in the universe more beautiful and protective than the simple complexity of a spider's web?" -Charlotte 8. "In times of crisis, it is of utmost impor- tance not to lose one's head" -M. Antoinette 9. "To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader" -Capt. Bligh (ret.) 10. "Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We must take wing and conquer the heavens" -Icarus 11. "One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people" -G. Khan 12. "First impressions are of major importance in business matters" -J. Pierpoint Finch 13. "The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive thinking" -N. Bonaparte 14. "A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the wrong time" -Tevye 15. "Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby" -R. Hood 16. "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's use- less" -T. Edison 17. "The wonders of the ages assembled for your edification, education, and enjoy- ment - for a price" -P.T. Barnum 18. "No matter what the product or service might be, you can find it somewhere else cheaper!" -E. Scrooge 19. "By persevering over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination" -C. Columbus 20. "With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be guaranteed in any conflict" -B. Arnold 21. "One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum effectiveness is to be achieved" -D. Vader 22. "This is another fine myth you've gotten me into!" -Lor L. and Har D. 23. "Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned" -D. Graeme 24. "Ya gotta be subtle!" -M. Hammer 25. "Just because you've beaten a sorcerer, doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer" -Toth-Amon 26. "A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end" -F. Schubert

II. Myth Conceptions

1. "Life is a series of rude awakenings" -R.V. Winkle 2. "First impressions, being the longest lasting, are of utmost importance" -J. Carter 3. "Ninety percent of any business trans- action is selling yourself to the client" -X. Hollander 4. "If the proper preparations have been made and the necessary precautions taken, any staged event is guaranteed success" -Ethelred the Unready 5. "...Eye of newt, toe of frog..." -Believed to be the first recipe for an explosive mixture... The forerunner of gunpowder 6. "That's entertainment!" -Vlad the Impaler 7. "Numerical superiority is of no conse- quence. In battle, victory will go to the best tactician" -G.A. Custer 8. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit" -Teresias 9. "There is more at stake here than our lives" -Col. Travis Alamo Pep Talk 10. "One need not fear superior numbers if the opposing force has been properly scouted and appraised" -S. Bull 11. "Should old acquaintance be forgot..." -Count of Monte Cristo 12. "This is no game for old men! Send in the boys!" -W. Hays 13. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce" -Henry VIII 14. "We're looking for a few good men" -B. Cassidy 15. "I'll worry about it tomorrow" -S. O'Hara 16. "Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars!" -A. Hitler 17. "Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior" -Hun, A.T. 18. "Just before the battle, Mother, I was thinking mos of you..." -Sonny Barker 19. "What if they gave a war and only one side came-" -Lucifer 20. "Chain of command is the backbone of military structure and must be strictly obeyed" -F. Christian 21. "It takes a giant to fight a giant" -H. Prym 22. "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched" -C. Mather 23. "What is this, a Chinese fire drill?" -Sun Tzu 24. "...and then I said to myself, 'Why should I split it two ways-'" -G. Mouser 25. "Is everybody happy?" -Machiavelli 26. "All's well that ends well" -E.A. Poe

III. Myth Directions

1. "Dragons and Demons and Kings, Oh my!" -The Cowardly Klahd 2. "When old friends get together, everything else pales to insignificance" -War, Famine, Pestilence and Death 3. "That's funny, I never have any trouble with sevice when I'm shopping" -K. Kong 4. "'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute term" -Baron Frank N. Further 5. "Nothing is impossible. Anything can be accomplished with proper prepa- rations and planning" -Ponce de Leon 6. "Now you see it, now you don't" -H. Shadowspawn 7. "A friend in need is a pest" -Fafhrd 8. "Once more into the breach..." -Zarna, the Human Cannonball 9. "War may be Hell... but it's good for business!" -The Association for Merchants, Manufacturers, and Morticians 10. "Old heroes never die; they reappear in sequels" -M. Moorcock 11. "What do you mean, 'You've got a little job for me'?" -Hercules 12. "Out of the frying pan, into der fire" -The Swedish Chief 13. "If you can't dazzle them with dex- terity, baffle them with bullshit!" -Prof. H. Hill 14. "As any magician will tell you - Myth Directions is the secret of a suc- cessful steal" -D. Henning 15. "-Or was it unlock the safe then swim to the surface?" -H. Houdini 16. "...and then the fun began" -N. Bonaparte 17. "I'm sure we can talk things out like civilized people" -J. Wayne 18. "What's the point-spread on World War III?" -R. Reagan 19. "Why should I pay a troll just to cross a bridge?" -B.G. Gruff 20. "What are friends for?" -R.M. Nixon 21. "We've got an unbeatable team!" -Sauron 22. "No matter what the game, no matter what the rules, the same rules apply to both sides!" -Hoyle's Law 23. "Life is full of little surprises" -Pandora 24. "This contest has to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen" -H. Cosell 25. "If you can't win fair, just win!" -U.S. Grant 26. "Winning isn't the most important thing; it's the only thing!" -J. Caesar 27. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-" -M. Ali

IV. Hit or Myth

1. "There's something to be said for relatives ...it has to be said because it's unprint- able!" -A. Einstein 2. "When things are blackest, I just tell myself 'cheer up, things could be worse!' And sure enough, they get worse!" -Skeeve 3. "Once a knight, always a knight, But once a King is once too often!" -Sir Bella of Eastmarch 4. "Duty: a fee paid for transacting in good(s)" -U.S. Dept. of Commerce 5. "The only thing worse that a sorcerer is a sorcerer's apprentice" -M. Mouse 6. "Good information is hard to get. Doing anything with it is even harder!" -L. Skywalker 7. "There is no counter for a spirited woman except spirited drink" -R. Butler 8. "Choose your friends carefully. Your ene- mies will choose you!" -Y. Arafat 9. "I don't know why anyone would be nerv- ous about going to see royalty" -P. in Boots 10. "Superior firepower is an invaluable tool when entering into negotiations" -G. Patton 11. "Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you..." -Beelzebub 12. "I'm making this up as I go along!" -I. Jones 13. "Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be approached with care and caution" -Bluebeard 14. "Some farewells are easier than others" -P. Marlowe 15. "In a war against organized crime, survival is a hit or myth proposition" -M. Bolan 16. "It's always easier to destroy than to create" -Any general, any army, any age 17. "The best laid plans often go fowl" -Wile E. Coyote 18. "Life can be profitable, if you know the odds" -Ripley 19. "These blokes need to be taught to respect their superiors" -Gen. Cornwallis 20. "Figure the last thing you would expect the enemy to do, then count on him doing precisely that!" -Richelieu 21. "Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!" -V. Dracula

VII. M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link

1. "Petty crime is the scourge of business today" -D. Lorean 2. "It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'!" -L. Borgia 3. "It's all a matter of taste" -B. Midler 4. "If you're too busy to help your friends, you're too busy!" -L. Iacocca 5. "What fools these mortals be" -Smaug 6. "Not everything in life is funny" -R.L. Asprin

VIII. Myth-Nomers and Im-pervections

1. "Nobody's seen it all!" -Marco Polo 2. "They don't make 'em like they used to!" -H. Ford 3. "It's not even a nice place to visit!" -Fodor's Guide To Perv 4. "Taxis are water soluble" -G. Kelly 5. "I just need to pick up a few things" -I. Marcos 6. "There's no place like home!" -H. Johnson 7. "...On the street where you live" -Quote from an anonymous extortion note 8. "There's never a cop around when you need one!" -A. Capone 9. "...You gotta start somewhere" -S. McDuck 10. "All financiers are not created equal!" -R. Corman 11. "How come I get all the hard questions?" -O. North 12. "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..." -Robin 13. "Who? Me, Officer?" -J. Dillinger 14. "Parting is such sweet sorrow" -Figaro 15. "Easy credit terms available..." -Satan 16. "You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards!" -Prince 17. "Bibbity... bobbity..." -S. Strange, M.D. 18. "'M' is for many things she taught me..." -Oedipus 19. "I am not a crook!" -Any crook 20. "Were you looking for me?" -Dr. Livingstone

IX. M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action

0. "What am I doing here?" -Any recruit, any army 1. "What do you mean my characters talk funny?" -D. Runyon 2. "We want to make you feel at home!" -L. Borgia 3. "Just a little off the top!" -A. Boleyn 4. "Squeeze, don't jerk, the trigger" -R. Rogers 5. "When I travel, nobody knows me... and I like it that way!" -S. King 6. "Boards don't hit back!" -B. Lee 7. "To Serve and Protect..." -Traditional motto of protection rackets 8. "It takes one to know one!" -Jack D. Ripper 9. "Manners are acquired, not inherited!" -S. Penn 10. "Now, here's my plan!" -R. Burns 11. "That's why the lady is a tramp!" -B. Midler 12. "It sure looks to me like a big night tonight!" -Arthur, Rex 13. "Weren't you expecting me?" -J. Rambo 14. "You countermanded me on whose authority?" -Pope John 15. "An army travels on its paperwork!" -J. Carlson 16. "So what's wrong with following established procedures?" -M. Gorbachev 17. "Ya gotta speak the language" -N. Webster 18. "Has anybody got a plan?" -G.A. Custer 19. "We must hurry... It's almost over!" -P. Fogg 20. "I want a rematch!" -M. Tyson

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